Let's Call It Nothing

Noteworthy 2011

2011-12-21T08:36:00.026-05:00

1. Meeting Eden. And Eden in general.
2. Fostering Buddy, though it was an emotional trainwreck.
3. Checking something off Mike's bucket list: a hot air balloon ride.
4. Being #1 in my first Fantasy Football league.
5. The thrill and panic of the pine tree.
6. A nice weekend in Vermont.
7. Saw NOFX, a band I'd always wanted to see live.
8. Went to Philly for Flyer's opening game and cheesesteaks.
9. A snowstorm and 6 days without heat or power.
10. Our first Christmas tree.

Finally, having to say goodbye to the best man I've ever met. He had a beautiful singing voice, could play the piano and float for an hour in the ocean. He was so full of love and not afraid to show it and share it. He gave the biggest, most heartfelt hugs. And he loved the Muppets.

Review of 2011 Plans

2011-12-21T07:44:00.009-05:00

How did I do on my 2011 to-do list? Not bad:

1. learn to ride a motorcycle - Fail. I ran out of free weekends.
2. visit my Bro-lo in Savannah - Fail, his sister went to retrieve him from college instead. Having a job really gets in the way of life. Boo hoo me.
3. improve the garden I started last year - I don't know about "improve" but I certainly worked in it a lot so: check.
4. new roof for the house - Possibly the best news of the summer was that we didn't need a new roof yet. We were thrilled.
5. spend a week in Vermont over the summer - I was there for a long weekend, only, but was glad some of the others could spend the whole week.
6. foster a dog - I fostered two! The first was in the early spring, a senior shih tzu who I had for about two weeks. Then in October, I took in a pit/boxer mix named Buddy who was adopted within a week, and who broke my heart. He may be the best thing that happened in 2011.
7. return to Doe Camp with my mom - We took ATV safety in the pouring rain, and then the ATV trail ride scheduled for the following day was cancelled because of unsafe trail conditions due to the rain and mud. We were disappointed, but we enjoyed other classes like shotgun/trap shooting, which made me want to get my license so I can do it regularly.
8. learn to play bass (for real this time) - I haven't even picked it up since May.
9. think before I speak - Some improvement.
10. attend the Mermaid Parade (for real this time) - Doe Camp and the Mermaid Parade are held on the same weekend every year and this year Doe Camp won again. I can't disappoint my mom. Plus, shotguns!
11. cut my remaining student loan amount in half - Did even better and paid it off completely!

Phone calls from Vermont

2011-11-02T11:28:00.003-04:00

Wednesday: "Maggie, I was walking with Cannoli and Delilah back by the beaver pond and Cannoli got quilled in the face by a porcupine! Dad wanted to pull out the quills with pliers but I called Gary and we brought the dog up to his house and he pulled them out with pliers. Dad was so annoyed."

"Is he okay?"

"Who?"

"Cannoli."

"Yeah, he just seems sore."

Friday: "Maggie, Gary was on his way to work at 4:30 this morning and he saw the porcupine, so he pulled over and got out of the car and shot him!"

"How do you know it was the same porcupine? Aren't they everywhere at this time of year?"

"Oh it was the same guy. TRUST me. Gary took pictures, I'm going to forward them to you."

"I don't want to see pictures of a dead animal that didn't need to be killed."

"I'm sending them! Bye!"

2011 Garden Plans

2011-03-11T09:23:00.002-05:00

1. Start a new bed by the mailbox and plant the Bloomerangs Mike bought me for Valetine's Day there.
2. Grow garlic.
3. Install window boxes and fill them with chili pepper trees and petunias.
4. Edge front garden.
5. Continue to populate the area along the back fence with hostas and other shade and dry-tolerant perennials.
6. Grow morning glories between the garage doors.
7. Plant basil and thyme in smaller pots so I can bring them indoors in the winter.
8. If we get a shed, build a slate path to it and plant evergreens on either side of the door so it looks pretty.
9. Do not cry if/when I am startled by a snake.
10. Mulch!

Times I thought my brother was dead

2011-02-18T09:21:00.007-05:00

1. Once, while sledding, he went into an ice-covered bush that sliced his cheek just below his eye. It bled like crazy and he was whisked to the doctor. I sat at home on the piano bench crying, thinking he wasn't going to come back.

2. The lady in line in front of us for Space Mountain shamed my mom for taking kids as young as us on that particular ride. She made me afraid of the ride, so my mom and I bailed. We sat on a bench waiting for my dad and brother to come off Space Mountain. I cried the whole time, thinking Space Mountain was going to kill my brother. When they came off the ride laughing and excited, I wanted to kill him for worrying me.

3. My parents drove Mike and I in to the city to see Rent. My brother had left shortly before us to go to the mall to see a movie. Traffic was stopped on Rt. 15 and ambulances whizzed past us so we knew it was an accident. This was before cell phones, so we couldn't call my brother, and I was so scared it was him who had crashed that I cried the whole way into Manhattan.

Things I love about my mother (whose birthday is today)

2011-01-28T23:01:00.003-05:00

1. she changes topics so abruptly and quickly, you have to pay close attention

2. she has a strong feeling about everything, there is no gray area

3. she is generous, generous, generous

4. she has beautiful hair and a beautiful smile

5. the way she dresses, even though I tell her she tends to look like an off-duty nun

6. she loves animals and taught me to love animals

7. she does the right thing, always

8. she does not shrink from confrontation

9. she honors tradition

10. she is wonderful with little kids

11. she's unintentionally hilarious

12. She leaves me voicemails like "Hello, Babycakes, this is your mother. Mother Extraordinaire. Mother of the Year for the decade... and the century."

What I meant is I'm having an allergic reaction

2011-01-28T23:00:00.005-05:00

Me: Well, if it makes you feel any better, my face is the size of a pumpkin.
Brother: Yeah, I've seen you before. Why would that make me feel better?

Singing voicemails I left yesterday

2011-01-28T12:44:00.003-05:00

1. Ah, ah... I got a roof rake! Ee, ee... I got a roof rake! I, I... I got a ... roof rake! Oh, oh... I got a roof rake. Roof rake city tonight! Roof rakes are here, all right!

2. IGotARoofRake, and I'm proud! IGotARoofRake, now say it out loud! IGotARoofRake, best be knowin'! IGotARoofRake, don't care if it's snowin'!

Today I

2011-01-26T14:40:00.004-05:00

1. mailed a belated Christmas thank you card
2. checked in with the hardware store about their roof rake shipment delivery
3. had lunch then Starbucks with Sister
4. Read an article about PETA vs Best Friends
5. read the new issue of Budget Travel
6. Had a lengthy discussion with fellow commuters about how much the train sucks
7. cancelled dinner plans
8. thought a lot about what I would eat for dinner at home since I wasn't going out any longer
9. wished magazine subscriptions were even cheaper than they are
10. imagined co-starring in a TV show about two 20-something hypocondriacs
11. paid charge card bill
12. daydreamed about pulling snow from roof with new roof rake
13. daydreamed about all the vintage clothes in Portland, OR
14. got a Starbucks gift card from a coworker as a thank you
15. tried to avoid riding same elevator as coworker by slowing my pace
16. succeeded
17. started reading A Christmas Carol
18. ate a Peanut Butter cup

The best things I heard today

2011-01-26T14:19:00.003-05:00

1. "So the doctor said, 'You'll probably be fine,' and I said, 'Or I could be dead tomorrow.'"
2. "That sounds like something from the HGTV channel." "As if, I am at least Sci-Fi channel."
3. "I bet the swelling will go down once you get that roof rake."
4. "Hello, this is your mother. Mother Extraordinaire. Mother of the Year for the decade... and the century."

TV shows I've bailed on

2011-01-25T17:31:00.005-05:00

1. Lost (not until way late in the game, though)
2. Prison Break
3. most of Adult Swim
4. thinking of ditching Breaking Bad
5. the Geena-Davis-is-the-president show (I wanted so much to like it but they kept moving it to different nights and times)
6. Rome

Clothes I loved to wear

2011-01-25T12:54:00.008-05:00

1. Before third grade began, our mothers bought my best friend Laurel and I matching outfits. Hers was pink, my was the lime green of the late 80s, early 90s. Every time I wore it, I felt cool.

2. In 6th grade, it was cool to wear jeans with a solid color, button-down shirt tucked into them, but unbuttoned, and a turtleneck underneath it.

3. In 7th grade, I mostly wore t-shirts and jeans, but once a week I would wear a skirt with mary janes and knee socks. Kelly often wore something similar.

4. In 8th grade, I wore black.

5. In 9th and 10th grades, still wore a lot of black, but more than that, what I wore was baggy clothes, most of which were men's and many of which I had purchased at Salvation Army. Never anything short. Never anything tight.

6. I had these elastic waist pants that were wide-legged and had tiny vertical pleats. Wyatt called them the lampshade pants.

7. I spent most of college in black velvet elastic waist pants, or in the winter, the fleece-lined cargo khakis Mike bought me to keep me warm.

8. T-shirts and jeans have generally been my style, but most of what I wore after college was clothes that were nice enough for my office job. Still baggy though.

9. I wore a dress almost every day from last April until late October. Dresses and cardigans. On the weekends, vintage dresses. I've never been happier with the clothes I wear. It is winter now, though, so I'm mostly in boring stuff that keeps me warm.

Grandma's Facebook

2011-01-25T12:53:00.003-05:00

Will our children's children one day discover the blogs of our youth and if so, will it feel like we felt when we discovered our grandparents' pictures and letters?

Things I collect

2011-01-25T12:43:00.004-05:00

1. mermaids (figurines, picture frame, cups, plates, whatever)
2. maps
3. hotel soap (trying to break this habit by using up my collection)
4. wigs
5. Gone With The Wind books

Things I resist collecting:
1. Gone With The Wind merchandise/memorabilia
2. Elvis stuff

Places I went this weekend that did NOT have roof rakes in stock

2011-01-24T16:41:00.000-05:00

1. Home Depot Shrewsbury
2. Lowe's Westborough
3. Home Depot Auburn
4. Home Depot Natick

Things in my bag

2011-01-24T16:37:00.002-05:00

1. diary
2. laptop
3. cough drops
4. Better Homes & Gardens magazine
5. tissues
6. camera
7. cat adoption agreements
8. my checkbook
9. cat account checkbook
10. pens and highlighters
11. travel hand moisturizer
12. gum
13. Emer-gen-C packets
14. a lot of band-aids
15. chapstick
16. Simpsons stamps
17. my wallet

Words I enjoy speaking

2011-01-16T13:01:00.002-05:00

1. Botswana
2. lily
3. some
4. marmalade
5. Hattori Hanzo

Reasons I love the town I live in

2011-01-14T12:36:00.005-05:00

1. the people who ice skate, play hockey, snowmobile and ice fish on the lake
2. there's a Mexican place to satisfy my veggie burrito cravings
3. a breakfast place within walking distance of the house
4. a grocery store within walking distance of the house
5. I regularly see foxes and rabbits (and coyoyes, though not quite 'regularly')
6. my in-laws are only 4 miles away
7. the drive to NJ is 30 minutes shorter than it was from where we lived before
8. there are a lot of cool antique houses
9. the veterinary college
10. the lattes at the general store
11. the Apple Pie Social (and other events on the Common)
12. the library

Things I'm Inspired By This Week

2011-01-13T19:11:00.003-05:00

1. other people's photo project ideas
2. snow on tree branches
3. pictures of young Elizabeth Taylor
4. yellow roses
5. taking pictures of my hair in motion
6. people who foster dogs
7. I hate to say it, but the homemade Valentines in the latest Martha Stewart Living magazine

Plans for 2011

2011-01-13T19:07:00.003-05:00

1. learn to ride a motorcycle
2. visit my Bro-lo in Savannah
3. improve the garden I started last year
4. new roof for the house
5. spend a week in Vermont over the summer
6. foster a dog
7. return to Doe Camp with my mom
8. learn to play bass (for real this time)
9. think before I speak
10. attend the Mermaid Parade (for real this time)
11. cut my remaining student loan amount in half

Things I Do Not Like

2011-01-13T18:49:00.007-05:00

1. crowded, delayed commuter trains
2. orange flavored candy (tic tacs, gummy bears, etc. I give the orange ones away)
3. putting the fitted sheet on the bed. I will commit murder if I do not have help with this.
4. red roses. They're too serious.
5. Incubus
6. when the TV is on all the time, or trying to talk when the TV is on
7. wet socks. If I step in the tiniest drip of water on the floor, I have to change socks.
8. ginger. I give it away at sushi places. (Though I love ginger ale.)
9. jelly beans and Skittles
10. Spiderman movies
11. vague answers to personal questions
12. my own indecisiveness
13. the circus. It depressed me when I was little and does so even more now.
14. raking. I'll shovel snow. I'll dig in the garden. I'd mow the lawn if Mike'd let me. But raking is the worst.
15. not knowing how to fix my car myself

Things I've Broken

2011-01-13T15:51:00.004-05:00

1. My brother's tooth. We were playing with plastic guns and I performed a roundhouse kick that pushed his gun into his face and broke his tooth.

2. My front tooth. In first grade, my friend Alison pushed her side of the teeter-totter down while I was leaning over my side. The tooth didn't fall out, but it knocked things out of order. A few years later: Hello, braces.

3. An oil painting of cows that had once hung in my mom's grandmother's house. A She-Ra sword when right through the canvas.

4. More dishes and cups than you could imagine.

5. Right clavicle bone, age 8. I am not a ballerina.

6. The driver's side door of my car: I backed out of the garage with the door open. Embarrassing and expensive.

Football Tickets

2010-12-16T12:00:00.002-05:00

Him: I should go to church Sunday and beg for season tickets.
Me: It's "pray" not "beg for."
Him: Whatever, they both happen on your knees.

My favorite sounds

2010-09-30T09:30:00.007-04:00

1. The smack of a metal bat against a baseball
2. The pop of the cap when you first open a Snapple
3. Thunder
4. Water (waves, trickles, rain)
5. First bite of an apple.
6. Ralphie's squeaky meow
7. Fatty McGee's whiny meow
8. The ding of a new picture text
9. My mom's laugh, my dad's laugh, my brother's laugh, the laughs of any of my friends
10. The annual Happy Birthday singing phone calls from my parents and my grandparents
11. Mike's singing voice

Coke vs Pepsi

2010-09-29T15:41:00.003-04:00

In 9th grade, I was in ski club. I remember at the end of one evening, cheeks red from windburn, I got a Pepsi from the vending machine before boarding the bus. I was thirsty and that Pepsi tasted delicious.

Since then, I've fallen solidly on the Coke side of the debate (though Ginger Ale is my favorite soda). There was a big meeting in my office today and I meandered past the remnants of the group's lunch. In addition to the leftover salad and sandwich halves, there were bottles of Pepsi. Never one to turn down something sugary and free, I grabbed one.

Wow, is it gross. I'm not one to waste things by tossing them in the trash, but I can't drink this.

Yellow Gumballs

2010-09-02T21:38:00.000-04:00

First paragraphs of the collection of short stories I came across today during lunch:

Sheila split open and the air was filled with gumballs. Yellow gumballs. That was awful for Stan, just awful. He had loved Sheila for a long time, fought for her, believed in their love until finally she had come around. They were about to kiss for the first time and then this: yellow gumballs.

Stan went to a group to try to accept that Sheila was gone. It was a group for people whose unrequited love had ended in some kind of surrealist moment. There is a group for everything in California.

That first sentence especially is perfect. It allows for your imagination to go crazy. Did the gumballs fly out of poor Sheila? Did they fall from the sky?

Can the rest of the book possibly be as good?

The Suburbs

2010-08-31T22:46:00.000-04:00

I've listened to the new Arcade Fire album, The Suburbs, practically every day since it came out earlier this month. It's good but not especially hummable -- after it ends it kind of evaporates from my brain. I wasn't quite connecting.

I've got one of the songs stuck in my head now, though, after stumbling across Arcade Fire's ridiculously cool website. With a little help from the interwebs and your own memories of your childhood, it generates an interactive music video for one of the songs. Nothing puts a tune in your head like a little nostalgia. Give it a try. You'll be humming all day.

Dream Boy

2010-08-30T18:34:00.004-04:00

While skimming the Netflix new releases last week a movie title jumped out at me: Dream Boy. I wondered if it was based on the very first gay-themed novel I ever bought, and indeed it was. I remember my teenage self skulking around a Barnes & Noble with that book in my hands, working up the courage to bring it up to the cashier. Justdoit, justdoit, just do it, I probably thought back then, and I'm sure the cashier asked, "Just this today?" and I would've thought, "Just this? Just this?? Lady, this is everything."

It's an odd book to make into a movie in 2010, though, because it is an old-school gay story, from back when no happy endings were allowed. The high-school-age protagonist, Nathan, finds refuge from a lifetime of horrible parental abuse in Roy, the lovely neighbor boy who takes him under his wing and into his hunky arms. Nathan is played by Stephan Bender, known to me only (but well) as young Clark Kent in Superman Returns. Finally getting a smooch from Roy should elicit the same bliss that he showed in Superman when he discovered he could fly, but unfortunately Bender basically cowers through the entirety of Dream Boy. Nathan wears a constant slouch, as though he's perpetually fearing a smack in the head -- a posture that would be appropriate for Clark Kent, but around Roy, you want Nathan to become Superman, and he never does. That's not to say the acting is bad -- Bender seems fully committed, and the love scenes are particularly touching because Nathan is so desperate for tenderness. But still, he's too cute to never flash us a smile.

Or maybe it works. Being old-school gay, this story cannot allow Nathan to be happy with Roy, or even to survive. So yes, at the end of the book and the movie Nathan does indeed get beaten to death by a classmate with the broken arm of a chair. And maybe it's because Nathan was cowering through the whole movie, as though he knew this was coming, that this final outcome is affecting enough to keep me thinking about it days later. Nathan never had a chance.

The novel was published in 1995 and takes place, I think, in the 1970s, but the movie is set in a timeless neverwhere. Roy drives a 1930s pick-up, but other cars are more modern. There are no computers or cellphones, but the clothes are reasonably current. Even Roy and Nathan seem from opposing eras -- Nathan is scarred and scared, while Roy is well adjusted. The jumbled setting could represent a time like today, where maybe there's marriage equality on the coasts and a young actor can play gay without committing career suicide, but for some kids living their own lives in Kentucky or Louisiana (where this book is set), that hardly matters. Still, when those boys and girls are pacing around a Barnes & Noble in 2010, the book they finally hand to the cashier is at least much more likely to have a happy ending.

Pumpkin Spice Latte

2010-08-29T11:00:00.005-04:00

I got an email from Starbucks informing me that the latte that turned me into a Starbucks Sucker is now back in season. I guess that means summer is over.

How to Weed Your Book Collection

2010-08-13T12:09:00.004-04:00

We have lived in our house for 3 and a half months. There are still 4 large bins of books in my garage, waiting to be put back on their shelves. Bins that were hefted to the new place by friends, who asked, "Why do you need all of these?"

In my room at my parents' house in New Jersey, there are two book shelves full of books. "What am I supposed to do with these books?" my mother asks. "When are you coming to get them?"

The house is about the same size as the condo we were renting, but storage isn't as abundant. I've hauled 5 large bags of clothes and shoes to the thrift store. I've been thinking it is time to turn that attention to my book collection. But just as I stock a back-up for most of my toiletries, the books are a back-up to my memory. Sure, I remember the story and how it felt to read it, but what if I want to remember a specific scene? Or look up a certain line? They don't have it all online yet, you know. The library isn't always open (and my town library has a limited collection anyway).

I am going to give away 15 books. That's the number I'll start with. I'll take it from there, maybe using some of the suggestions I read here.

Most-Played Tracks On My iPod

2010-07-23T09:10:00.008-04:00

I'm not sure how some of these came to be the most-played, but here they are:

1. Frog Chorus, Echoes of Nature (used to play it while falling asleep)
2. Little Red Riding Hood, Sam the Sham
3. I Melt With You, Modern English
4. Barely Legal, The Strokes
5. Please Play This Song on the Radio, NOFX (there are many NOFX songs I like more)
6. Don't Be Cruel, Elvis
7. Carol Brown, Flight of the Conchords
8. I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor, Artic Monkeys
9. Song Against Sex, Neutral Milk Hotel
10. Supermassive Black Hole, Muse
12. Mack the Knife, Bobby Darin
12. The Hardest Button to Button, The White Stripes (Surpriesd this beat Ice Cream Soda)
13. Do What You Want, Bad Religion
14. Three Point One Four, The Bloodhound Gang (surprised other BHG didn't make the list too)
15. Judy Is A Punk, The Ramones (one of the rare songs that I wish was longer)
16. Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen (like this song, but have no idea how it made this list)
17. The Government Totally Sucks, Tenacious D
18. Move It On Over, George Thorogood
19. I'm Like Yeah, But She's All No, Mr. T Experience
20. A Boy Named Sue, Johnny Cash

Great Movies: View Once

2010-07-15T14:17:00.003-04:00

Some excellent movies do not want to be watched again. These are some that I have encountered:

1. Lars and the Real Girl
2. Phoebe in Wonderland
3. The Brothers Bloom

8 Things I'm Excited For This Weekend

2010-06-11T16:16:00.003-04:00

1. Free ice cream day at work
2. Visitor from NJ for the weekend
3. Foster kittens - finally! (Though they need be to tamed)
4. Planting flowers - finally! (I had someone come tear out the stumps of the ugly bushes. My garden is now ready for flowers.)
5. Buying a rain barrel and compost bin
6. Making homemade ice cream sandwiches
7. Eating raspberry pie
8. Season Three of TrueBlood

Twilight: Career Suicide

2010-04-30T19:42:00.001-04:00

Me: I'm reading about how they've finally landed a director for Breaking Dawn. Either they're paying him a shitload of money or he's looking to commit career suicide.
Maggie: Hahaha. You need to blog that line.

Why I like USA Today

2010-04-29T15:11:00.000-04:00

#5 - Idol Chatter. I like their American Idol blogger. Sue me.

#4 - The run of Superman comics they published a while back, which was delightfully retro, and their bizarre fixation on cage-wrestling and ultimate fighting.

#3 - Their articles are longer and more in-depth than what I see on other news sites.

#2 - The goof-off stories are more easily discernible as such. On CNN.com, for example, headlines like "Alligator befriends turkey" and "Karzai threatens to join Taliban" are often literally side by side.

#1 - I've yet to detect any bias. Everyone knows MSNBC and the New York Times are left; Fox is crazy right; CNN is just plain crazy, but the headlines and editorial page of USA Today seem straight down the middle. In an age of frothy hyperpartisanship, that's refreshing.

Start the turntables!, Cont'd

2010-04-28T09:56:00.000-04:00

I got an email from U2 today alerting me to a new remix album available... only on vinyl. I already own a couple of U2 records -- they're in frames on my wall, relics of an earlier, groovier time. I'm not about to run out and buy a turntable yet, but I do find myself craving this remix album. So big, so packed with tangible objects. Everything old is new again.

Start the turntables!

2010-04-27T12:48:00.002-04:00

This month's Rolling Stone says that sale of records -- those big, grooved things made of vinyl -- has surged in the last couple years. While I didn't buy last month's claim that magazine subscriptions are up, I definitely believe record sales are. Last week when I paid a visit to Newbury Comics (to buy a CD) I was amazed how many records they sell now. There's always been a few on hand for the devotees, but suddenly the shelf-space devoted to records is starting to rival CDs.

Amazing, but maybe not surprising. The reason I went to an actual store to buy a CD is because lately it's dawned on me how much money I've sunk into albums that don't actually exist. Ninety-five percent of the albums I've bought over the last few years have been digital downloads, just magnetized dots on a harddrive. And that suddenly feels kind of shitty. It feels like I've only been getting half of what I used to get from buying CDs.

The whole premise of "digital" assumes that content (a story, a song) is the important experience and that the delivery system is irrelevant. It assumes that when you pay for music you're paying to hear a song rather than to own a CD (or a record). That when you pay for a novel you're paying to read a story rather than to own a book. And that may be true for fleeting things like magazines or news, things you consume and throw away. But it's not true for the types of media we define ourselves by and decorate our homes with. Digital has been a novelty because it's cheaper and easier, but I think we might be at the beginning of a backlash, as people realize that for all their collecting and all their money invested, they have nothing tangible to show for it.

Hence the records.

Cracked the Code

2010-04-17T08:23:00.005-04:00

The desktop of my PC is password protected. It's not a fancy password but no one knows the answer to the security question.

My dad is here working on our house. At dinner last night, he said, "Yeah, I was reading the news about that volcano online, and -"

"On my computer?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"How'd you get on?"

"Security question 'what was the name of your first pet?'" he smirked.

"Ha. I never thought about you two when I decided to use that one," I said.

So I revise my statement: No one knows the answer except for Mom and Dad.

Graffiti in Rio

2010-04-16T15:12:00.001-04:00

I'm writing a novel about a graffiti artist in Brazil so this story jumped out at me. Some people took advantage of maintenance scaffolding on the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio, and painted on his head.

It's a heck of a target, and if it'd been done by an artist, it'd be pretty cool... But this is pichacao, scribbles, a style frowned upon by actual graffiti artists, and as such, it's just a mess. Somewhere in a corner of my brain, Mateo Amaral is fuming.

Political Origins

2010-04-08T12:22:00.004-04:00

My dad emailed me a picture of a toddler wearing a sandwich board that read: "I'm already $38,375 in debt and I only own a dollhouse. Thank you, Mr. President."

Me: Why are you sending this to me? Was I adopted from hippie parents or what?
Mom: Yes, the hippie chick down the hall in the hospital got my nice Republican baby!

Stop the presses!

2010-04-03T13:35:00.003-04:00

My dream job is to be the editor of an independent, moderately successful magazine similar in content to Rolling Stone, but with the focus on books rather than music. Our noble, unattainable goal each issue would be to lift young writers to rock-star status. Printing would be done on-site in the basement of the office, on presses run, like the starship Enterprise, by a harried Scotsman who coaxes every last drop out of the decrepit machines. The result would be a modest living, a lifetime supply of free books, and the sweet smell of ink on my hands at the end of the day.

Unfortunately it's not 1985, and print is kaput.

I'm subscribed to exactly one magazine, the above-mentioned Rolling Stone -- and in fact my subscription expired last fall but they've continued sending it to me, perhaps because there's not a lot of difference between "free" and what they charge for a one-year subscription.

Often by the time each issue arrives I've already read the articles on the Rolling Stone website, but it's fun getting mail.

On page 2 of the issue I got yesterday I found this ad, done in partnership by a bunch of magazines, which reads, in part:

Barely noticed amidst the thunderous Internet clamor is the simple fact that magazine readership has risen over the past five years. ... Think of it this way: during the 12-year life of Google, magazine readership actually increased 11 percent. ... What it proves, once again, is that a new medium doesn't necessarily displace an existing one. ... Just as TV didn't kill movies. An established medium can continue to flourish...

My first thought was Ouch. My second thought was that I don't believe that magazine readership can possibly be up, and I wonder what numbers they massaged to get that result. Third was a feeling of discomfort -- the ad makes me squirm. If you have to join forces with competitors and take out an ad to assure the world you're still relevant, then you're not.

There are some things I'll never accept. I'll never accept the idea that reading a novel on a screen is superior to a paperback book, humankind's greatest invention. Screens and magazines, though, were made for each other. I think rather than sputtering about the continued relevance of print magazines, these organizations should spend their time trying to come up with a business model that will let them make money on the Web, something that apparently no publication has figured out how to do yet. Maybe someone whose dream job actually matches the calendar year will lead the way.

See you in Machu Picchu

2010-04-02T12:15:00.003-04:00

Just so you know, the ancient city in Peru has reopened to tourists after being closed due to heavy rains.

Machu Picchu, rediscovered by the outside world after U.S. explorer Hiram Bingham's 1911 visit, is one of South America's top tourism attractions.

I like the wording of that, and the ease with which it shucks off the Euro-centric, nothing-was-here-till-we-found it perspective. (As a sidenote, I know USA Today, where this article is from, is considered the McDonald's of news, but sheesh, it really does have the best articles.)

I want to go re-re-discover Machu Picchu. South America is tops on my list of places to visit. It has such a vibrant mix of things I would really love to see, and things I'm captivated by the horror of. I just finished an excellent book called The Lost City of Z, a nonfiction account of a journalist attempting to discover (no "re-" necessary) what happened to a famous English explorer who was lost in the Amazonian jungle in the 1930s while searching for the fabled city of El Dorado. The Amazon, aka the "green hell," full of poisonous plants and 30-foot snakes and hostile Indians and maggots that burrow under your skin, makes me think, "Oh my goodness, I wouldn't last a minute there," and then, "I want to go."

A lot of Brazil, about which I've been reading for a book I'm writing, is like that too: the herky-jerk of the awesome and the terrifying. For example, in Rio you've got the incredible beaches and the eye-popping vista of the hilltop Christ -- and down the street the drug cabals are taking down police helicopters with anti-aircraft missiles.

I guess you just have to know where to go.

Romance Novel Delusions

2010-04-02T12:06:00.004-04:00

Me: I am feeling creatively antsy. And financially anxious. I should crank out a romance novel. Those sell well.
Brother: Totally. You can photoshop my face on someone else's body for the cover.

Creepiest Children's Books

2010-04-01T10:33:00.009-04:00

The Huffington Post created a list of Creepiest Children's Book (Ever). I love lists like this but I was disappointed. Creepy is the wrong word. Most are just plain funny, or downright horrifying.

My Two Uncles isn't creepy, and the books meant to teach kids about pooping or puberty are more awkward than they are creepy. (My mom bought a book to help her explain sex to me. They used a dog to show male anatomy and I thought the picture was so hilarious that I called for my [younger] brother to come look. Two 'birds and bees' talks in one, there, Mom. You're welcome.)

The cover art on One, Two, Three, Pull! is hilarious while the cover of A Scary Thing Happened is horrifying.

The subhead to the article references how we each have a book that impacted us during childhood. I don't think any of these books are meant to do that. They are teaching books, every last one (well, maybe except for the Boners one). You usually don't remember teaching books decades later.

You remember The Bear in the Boat. Or the Christmas Day Kitten. Or... what are yours?

Big Year

2010-03-31T16:29:00.004-04:00

Me: It is a big year for the group, pal. A baby, a house, two marriages...

Her: I know. So exciting.

Me: ...possible stint in rehab.

Her: Who is that one referring to?

Me: No one, but it's only March. Don't rule it out.

LCiN Refresh

2010-03-30T16:47:00.000-04:00

Presto change-o.

Ricky's Thesaurus

2010-03-30T14:11:00.000-04:00

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

Oh Ricky Martin. Not exactly a surprise, but good for you.

I don't get the adjectives that people have started including in these admissions, though. Ricky is a fortunate homosexual. Neil Patrick Harris (the best thing to spring out of the gay community since Pop Tarts) was a content gay man.

Use of adjectives is a relatively new thing. Ellen's coming-out was short and sweet: "I'm gay." (Even if she did say it over a loudspeaker.) It makes me wonder what other famous homos would've said if they'd come out in this age of adjectives...

Ellen: I'm a talkshow-hosting, American-Idol-judging gay woman.
Elton John: I'm a polka-dot-loving, big-glasses-wearing gay rocket-man.
Rosie O'Donnell: Bwaahhh!
Sir Ian McKellan: I'm a wizard-playing homosexual gentleman. Tea?

Twilight: Team Jacob

2010-03-28T21:42:00.000-04:00

Taylor Lautner won Favorite Actor at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards yesterday.

BREAKING NEWS: He won the same award at the Ladies Who Could Be His Mom's Choice Awards and the Homos Pushing Thirty's Choice Awards!

Nathan's Hot Dog Contest

2010-03-28T17:14:00.004-04:00

This is not seasonally relevant, but I was organizing my journals in preparation to move and I found an article I clipped from the 4th of July weekend papers in 2008. It's a summary of the annual Coney Island Nathan's hot dog-eating contest and it is hilarious.

Here is my favorite part:

Staring into the weiner abyss, the pair found the pluck to continue, devouring the beef and buns with renewed gusto, before Chestnut finally prevailed to chants of "USA!"

When it was over, Kobayashi was left holding a soggy mush of bun in his hand, and Chestnut had achieved nearly mythical status in the annual event held by Nathan's Famous since 1916.

It was a frankfurter photo finish.

Twilight: Purchasing New Moon

2010-03-21T16:08:00.008-04:00

Saturday, March 20. The warmest day of the year so far. Ben and Maggie set out from their homes for one purpose: to locate New Moon on DVD and get out of the store with it while drawing as little attention to their quest as possible.

Ben: I possess New Moon.
Maggie: Me too! As of 20 minutes ago. I wish they didn't have the display in the front of the store.
Ben: I strolled by the display and grabbed a disc and then walked a few aisles over to read the features. I opted for the 2-disc special edition.
Maggie: I went back and forth between Best Buy and Barnes and Noble three times trying to decide which had the best price for which version.
Ben: There was a 3-disc version, but I thought: Let's maintain some dignity here.
Maggie: I tried to get an aisle with a female cashier to no avail.
Ben: I bought enough other things to make New Moon look like a spur-of-the-moment grab.

Children's Books

2010-03-15T14:48:00.002-04:00

Me: Do you remember that movie they made us watch in elementary school where humans are on another planet and they see the sun only once or twice in a lifetime? There is a girl who had seen the sun once before and the other kids are jealous of her. They prepare for the day the sun will be out and when it comes, they lock her in a closet and she misses it.

What was that meant to teach us? It was the single most depressing thing since the Velveteen Rabbit. Was it part of the lesson"Reasons You Might Want to Kill Yourself"?

Lesson 1: People are hateful and will go out of their way to take something good away from you (sun movie)
Lesson 2: Your hero always dies (Charlotte's Web)
Lesson 3: You may have to one day shoot your best friend (Old Yeller and later, Of Mice and Men)

Him: I don't remember any happy children's books.
Me: The Bear in the Boat. That was happy.

The bear in the boat
quite the finest afloat
pulled up at the dock for his mail
"I've come, he called out,
to his friends all about,
"to invite you to go for a sail."

He gathers his friends but there are too many for the boat so they decide to have a party in a tree instead. They play games and sing and see a whale swim by and look at the ocean. It ends with:

The sang on until
all the earth became still
and they slept to the sounds of the sea
and they dreamed of the whale
and the day they set sail
and the party
held high in a tree.

I think that was a happy book and had a nice ending.

Him: So what you're saying is the bear's deadbeat friends sunk his boat and then had a party to rub it in his face?
Me: I think you missed the point of the story.

Message Rock #5

2010-03-15T09:07:00.002-04:00

Mamma Mia

2010-02-24T20:25:00.002-05:00

Mamma Mia had been sitting by the TV for more than week, waiting for a night when Mike wasn't home. I almost didn't bother getting it from Netflix, but it seemed like it would be fun to watch.

My parents watched it a while back. I think they are the only people I know who've seen it. My mom said, "I can't believe Meryl Streep, at her age, does all that jumping around. It was impressive."

My dad was less enthusiastic. "My god, they break into song every five minutes."

I caught a cold that prevented me from sleeping. I couldn't breathe through my nose. So at 5 a.m. on Sunday morning, I was awake and nothing was on TV. What better time for some glitzy disco-soundtrack movie?

It was silly, they do sing every five minutes and Meryl Streep did an awful lot of jumping around and shaking her butt. It's the perfect movie for 5 a.m. when you aren't feeling well.

Mini Snow Towers

2010-02-19T11:03:00.011-05:00

Someone stacked chunks of snow into lots of little towers around the Boston Public Library. I wonder how much time they spent and if they did it at night or during the day when people could watch.

Things like this make me happy.

Final Season of Lost

2010-02-16T20:12:00.002-05:00

Me: What did I miss on Lost last week?
Him: Sawyer sat on the dock and cried. Kate was there. Locke is the smoke monster. Jack got pissed off. That was pretty much it.
Me: I can't stand this show anymore.

R.I.P. J.D., Cont'd

2010-01-30T14:15:00.004-05:00

Here's a great article in the Boston Globe about Salinger, the "recluse."

...to his neighbors in Cornish and surrounding rural towns, he was hardly a hermit. To them, Salinger was simply another small-town resident who valued his privacy, and anyone who knew what he looked like could see he got around.

The tall, angular writer with his recognizable shock of white hair could be seen over the years striding through downtown Hanover, some 14 miles north, where he would duck into the Dartmouth Bookstore on Main Street. On an overcast day, passersby might spot him in the Windsor Diner, across the Connecticut River in Vermont, his profile defined by lights inside as he sat in a window booth overlooking Route 5.

He was such a regular at the fund-raising roast beef suppers at First Congregational Church in nearby Hartland, Vt., that when his health failed and he became too frail to attend, his wife drove over to pick up a take-out order from the basement fellowship hall.

I never knew he was married until I read his obit. I didn't think he was capable of any kind of social interaction. I pictured him as living in a New Hampshire cave, dressed in burlap, eating sticks, wearing a long beard with birds nesting in it. Obviously there was no malice in that image -- I'm a big fan, after all -- but those are the images that sprang up when I thought "recluse."

It makes me realize our attention-craving culture, where people "send up" their children in balloons, crash White House events, make out with strangers just to get on TV, simply doesn't have a vocabulary to describe someone who would, at the height of his fame, walk away from the spotlight and never seek it again. I don't have any desire for fame myself and yet in my mind there was still no option between "famous" and "insane" -- if Salinger shunned fame, clearly there must've been something wrong with him, right? He must've been mentally ill or something. Unhinged. An eater of sticks.

But apparently not.

Sometimes I like to play "If I Were A Genius Writer Which Genius Writer Would I Be?" Steinbeck is my favorite but I wouldn't be him -- he was too adventurous, too curious, diving into the nitty-gritty to report on WWII in Europe, going on his U.S.-long road-trip with no company but his dog and the people he met along the way. I wouldn't be Steinbeck. And what I know of Updike, I wouldn't be Updike -- he was too country-club, too cocktail-party.

I never would've thought it a couple days ago, but huh, I'd be Salinger.

R.I.P. J.D.

2010-01-28T20:56:00.001-05:00

“I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody." - J.D. Salinger

He talks like Holden. Haha. Or, should I say, Holden talks like him.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

2010-01-26T16:49:00.006-05:00

I saw this photo on the New Yorker website:

My goodness, why do some men do this to their heads? I'm referring, of course, to the aggressive shaving of the sideburns. There needs to be some sideburns, fellas, at least enough to hook around the front of the ear, like reverse glasses. Otherwise, what's to keep the hair from sliding off and tumbling down your back? The sideburns hold your hair in place!

Os Gemeos of the Day

2010-01-25T18:29:00.002-05:00

Courtroom Drama, Cont'd

2010-01-21T20:29:00.004-05:00

I'm disheartened that last week the Supreme Court weirdly got all up in the District Court's grill and reversed the judge's decision to televise the Prop 8 trial. In this the Supremes sided with the anti-gay side, who feared their witnesses would be intimidated if their faces were made public while they spewed their bigotry on the witness stand. That doesn't seem to bode well.

On the other hand, if this is where we are now, if it's the pro-gays who want to be televised and the anti-gays who are afraid to show their faces, we're getting somewhere!

The New Yorker has a good day-by-day blog of trial news.

Happy Blogiversary!

2010-01-19T16:57:00.000-05:00

LCiN is four years old today.

Courtroom Drama, Cont'd

2010-01-13T14:00:00.002-05:00

Plaintiffs' witness Zing of the Day:

10:33 AM: Thompson — Isn’t it true that people voted for Prop 8 based upon their sincere moral values?
C: Many people opposed desegregation and interracial marriage based upon their sincere moral values.

Courtroom Drama

2010-01-12T15:48:00.003-05:00

I'm reading through a liveblog transcript of the The Trial. In some ways it's one of the most interesting things I've ever read, and I'm agog at the level at which the judge is peering into this. It's even left me with a bewildered feeling and I've just realized why: I've gotten so accustomed to listening to politicians, to bullshit talking heads on Sunday morning news shows, spewing dumbed-down bullet-point sound-bites, appealing to Americans' lowest, basest instincts (death panels! the system worked!)... that thoughtful, philosophical, complex discussion on important topics causes a double-take. You mean we can actually, in a public forum, have a discussion about the nature of human identity and love and the role of the state? Wha-wha-what? Why don't we do this more often?

So it begins...

2010-01-11T13:01:00.004-05:00

I never thought I'd have so much personally invested in the success of the man who argued George W. Bush into the White House, but that's the case today as superstar Republican lawyer Ted Olson begins a string of trials that will take same-sex marriage to the U.S. Supreme Court for the first time.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. At first I suspected Olson was some kind of double-agent who would purposely blow the case and thus close off the Supreme Court as an avenue for gay rights potentially for decades. I feel better about him now, especially after reading his piece in Newsweek, but still, for the record, I think he's crazy. I can't see how he can possibly win. As I understand it, if he does win, every same-sex marriage ban in every state will in one fell swoop be struck down as violating the U.S. Constitution, and same-sex marriage will be legalized everywhere. And if he loses there will be precedent, and the Court doesn't overturn precedent lightly. Those stakes are incredible. Man, this is going to be nerve-wracking beyond belief.

Mr. Olson, if you're reading this: Win, and we'll forget all about that Bush thing, OK?

Too soon?

2010-01-08T19:53:00.001-05:00

Him: We should go as Ennis and Jack from Brokeback Mountain next Halloween.
Me: Oh great. Who's going to go as the dead one?
Him: I'll go as Jake Gyllenhaal any day. Wait -- the dead character or the dead actor?

My Darling Brother #2

2010-01-05T15:45:00.003-05:00

Me: I feel like my hair is my only positive physical feature. Without that, I'd have nothing.
Him: Right, I mean, let's not even get started on that nose of yours.

Top Tensies

2009-12-31T08:48:00.003-05:00

Everyone else is doing it. So here goes. These are my favorite things of the decade.

MOVIES

10. Nicholas Nickleby (2002). Pitch-perfect Dickens, a very rare thing.

9. A Knight's Tale (2001). No, the medieval jousting-match audience chanting Queen songs makes no sense, and that oddball creativity is why it's a favorite. Also, this was Heath Ledger at his dreamiest.

8. Spider-Man 2 (2004). Everything a superhero movie should be, even if it is... Marvel.

7. Road to Perdition (2002). The Hanks/Newman gangster flick, and the most beautifully shot movie ever. This was made by some master craftsmen. Every frame is art.

6. Star Trek (2009). I was staunchly against this movie until I saw the trailer, then I happily ate my hat each of the five times I saw it in the theater.

5. Twilight (2008). You may have heard of it.

4. Brokeback Mountain (2005). Not one of my favorite movies, but sometimes movies are bigger than themselves, and that's why this one's on my list.

3. Superman Returns (2006). A gigantic missed opportunity that resulted in a mediocre movie. But what can I say? I love it anyway. The production design is gorgeous, Brandon Routh is a worthy successor to Christopher Reeve, and the plane-rescue scene is thrilling.

2. Wonder Boys (2000). My favorite movie about writers and writing; after watching this the first time, I literally went in the other room and started writing my novel. Also, an early stepping stone on Robert Downey Jr.'s very-welcome road to professional redemption.

1. The Lord of the Rings (2001, 2002, 2003). Easy. It wasn't just a movie but a three-year event. Peter Jackson & Co. did everything right -- the casting, the music, the humor and the heartbreak were all just dead-on. This is everything I want from movies. This is probably the movie of my lifetime.

MUSIC

10. Original Pirate Material - The Streets (2002). Josh and I just about burned out this CD that year.

9. A Rush Of Blood To The Head - Coldplay (2002). C'mon, you know you like them too.

8. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning - Bright Eyes (2005). Conor Oberst is one of my favorite lyricists and he was on a roll on this album. "The sun came up with no conclusions."

7. Life In Cartoon Motion - Mika (2007). Gay gay gay!

6. Hot Fuss - The Killers (2004).

5. Only By The Night - Kings of Leon (2008). My most-listened-to album of 2009.

4. The Rising - Springsteen (2002).

3. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 (2004).

2. No Line On The Horizon - U2 (2009).

1. All That You Can't Leave Behind - U2 (2000). My desert-island album.

BOOKS

Surprisingly, this category was the hardest because I'm not as up on recent books as I should be.

10. From A Buick 8 - Stephen King (2003). A slow-boiling thriller and a rebuke to anyone who, like me, suspected Stephen King's glory days ended with his coke habit.

9. War Boy - Kief Hillsbery (2002). Narrated by a deaf-mute, gay, anarchist teenager. Need I say more?

8. A Death In Brazil: A Book of Omissions - Peter Robb (2005). A memoir disguised as the entire history of a nation, from discovery to modern politics. And a page-turner, to boot!

7. New Moon - Stephenie Meyer (2007). Truth be told, this probably should be higher up.

6. Chasm City - Alastair Reynolds (2002). Mystery wrapped in sci-fi wrapped in holy-shit! wrapped in awesome.

5. The Road - Cormac McCarthy (2006). Gut-wrenching. With punchy dialogue!

4. Dogwalker: Stories - Arthur Bradford (2002). Why is this the only book you've ever published, Arthur?

3. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers (2001). Read this memoir to make your own life feel boring and unromantic in comparison.

2. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao - Junot Diaz (2007). Expanded my notion of what a novel could be and do. Deserving of every ounce of his Pulitzer.

1. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay - Michael Chabon (2001). A sprawling epic loosely based on the creators of Superman, set in Depression-era New York. The book I most wish I could've written myself.

My Darling Brother

2009-12-22T13:06:00.004-05:00

Brother: What's that thing in turkey that puts you to sleep?
Me: Tryptophan.
Brother: I literally remembered that just as my phone buzzed. So thanks for nothing.

Sexy windows

2009-12-15T13:49:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I'd call energy efficiency "sexy," as President Obama did today, but he's right about it saving money. With my new, super-duper energy efficient windows, purchased with a tax credit last spring, my heating/electric bill for November 2009 was over $100 less than November 2008.*

*Granted the weather was milder this year, but still.

Dusting the goats

2009-12-13T19:05:00.003-05:00

via National Geographic

Overheard in the Neighborhood

2009-12-08T20:56:00.002-05:00

Mom to kid:

"I know you told Santa but maybe you should tell me too."

Fact-checking the Family Christmas Letter

2009-12-04T11:04:00.003-05:00

Me: It accurate to say you have been a member of BNI for two years? And is it correct that you've been at your job for almost two years?

Brother: Yes and yes. What are you, a cop?

Me: I'm a fact-checker.

Brother: FASCIST!

Haha!

2009-12-01T16:15:00.003-05:00

Awesome:

Twilimericks: In the Name of Lautner

2009-11-30T21:09:00.008-05:00

Jacob Black has long brown hair;
it's pretty much all that he wears.
As if he couldn't be cuter,

he's a big-time U2-er!
I read that and swooned off my chair.

Jasper v Edward; Edward v Jacob

2009-11-30T15:51:00.004-05:00

Oh, Jasper, what's with your hair?
And that desperate, creepy glare?
I thought the coif would be better
and you'd look like less of a fretter
but next to Edward, you still don't have a prayer.

Most girls think Edward's a hero
but Ben and I think he's a zero
Jacob makes him look drab
(did you see those abs?)
his scenes made us hoot and cheer-0

Maggie's TV Commandments

2009-11-19T15:01:00.004-05:00

10. Always watch TV with a kitten in your lap.

9. The third period of hockey games are meant for napping.

8. Text your friends when there is a new Simpsons on Sunday night.

7. On-Demand is for Secret Girlfriend, Tosh.O, and South Park. You do not need to know when new episodes of these shows actually air.

6. Prepare for new Always Sunny episodes by singing "Dayman, ah ah ah, fighter of the Nightman, ah ah ah" while rummaging in the fridge.

5. Thou shalt not speak ill of Jon Stewart.

4. Thou shalt covet the clothes on Betty Draper.

3. Thou shalt mock Lost but watch anyway.

2. When you're channel-surfing and you stumble across Jaws or Godfather, you must watch to completion.

1. Always have a back-up channel so you don't have to sit through commercials.

A new band

2009-11-12T16:08:00.003-05:00

Me: Can I be your new bassist?
Mike: Well, can you PLAY bass?
Me: No.
Mike: Then no.

Elephants Never Forget

2009-11-05T15:30:00.002-05:00

Brother: Elephants are lucky, you know.
Me: And they never forget.
Brother: That's actually a myth.
Me: I don't know... I've read some books.
Brother: Read a few more.

Message Rock #4

2009-10-27T10:26:00.003-04:00

Like last time, a tribute to a lost loved one.

Autumn in New England

2009-10-27T10:24:00.005-04:00

Sorry, New Jersey. You may have the bagels and the pizza, but New England has the edge on Autumn.

Sacrilegious Remakes

2009-10-26T10:33:00.010-04:00

When I heard they were remaking Adventures in Babysitting, I rolled my eyes. When I heard the star attached to the remake is Miley Cyrus, I almost gagged. What is with the latest trend of remaking movies that have no business being remade? To quote Adventures in Babysitting, "Don't f--- with the babysitter"!

I got the latest Crime Against The Original news today, when I read that they are remaking Thelma and Louise. Thelma and Louise! While Adventures in Babysitting may be a 'classic' in sentimental terms only (I watched it dozens of times as a kid and my brother and I still quote it to each other), Thelma and Louise is an actual classic. Leave our classics alone!

The stars are supposedly one of the actresses from Gossip Girl and another young, barely-starlet. Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis may not be particuarly well-respected actresses, but replacing them with poptarts who are 15 years younger is a disgrace. Possibly the worst detail of all is the remake's title: Cowgirl Bandits. It's bad enough to make my brain explode out my eyes. Goodbye, feminist messages. Hello, superficial girl power.

Why not remake a movie that wasn't done well the first time around? Like Twilight!

Obama in Boston

2009-10-23T15:25:00.008-04:00

Not only in the city, but across the street from my office.

Dartmouth Street was blocked to cars and pedestrians between Boylston and Stuart.

Worst Twilight Merchandise

2009-10-22T14:34:00.005-04:00

We've all seen the TrueBlood drinks and the Twilight jewelry but this article rounds up bizarre outliers in the world of vampire merchandise. An Edward Cullen shower curtain? Really?

Most hilarious (or frightening) is the Twilight Dildo, which sparkles in sunlight. Natch. The article goes on to say:

"The real craziness comes from the product description, which touts both its "deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon's soft glow" and the fact that it "retains hot and cold temperature," so you can "toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience," thus selling it on the strength of how accurate it is to a corpse's wang. That's right, folks: This may in fact be the first sex toy to be marketed directly to the amateur necrophiliac."

Maine

2009-10-20T19:43:00.002-04:00

This World War II vet put a tear in my eye this afternoon.

Witch hats in the library courtyard

2009-10-20T16:32:00.002-04:00

Seasonal Cooking

2009-10-12T12:27:00.009-04:00

I like cooking on weekends and the chilly air made it feel like time to shift to more seasonal recipes. I ended up with pot roast (for the boys), mashed potatoes, cornbread and peanut butter cookies for dessert.

Moving Out

2009-10-08T12:07:00.002-04:00

Me: That's it. I'm moving out.
Him: Leave the food. Take the cats, otherwise the cats are food.

Blackbirds, baked in a pie

2009-10-07T15:01:00.004-04:00

Every Thanksgiving and Christmas when my mom makes a pie, she puts a hollow, porcelain blackbird in the center of the pan before adding the filling around it. The blackbird acts as a vent: When the pie comes out of the oven, the blackbird is spitting steam.

I've never seen these pie blackbirds in stores. Until yesterday, when I happened upon a shelf of them while shopping for a belt.

I refrained from buying them all - one for everyone I know - and instead just bought one for myself and one to replace my mom's, should it ever break. Come to think of it, in the 27 years that she's been making apple pies for the holidays, it's amazing that little bird hasn't dropped or broken yet. He must be blessed.

Pats and Patrick

2009-09-15T07:55:00.002-04:00

Me: [reading the morning news] Apparently the Patriots game had quite an ending... and Patrick Swayze died.
Him: Because of the Pats game?!
Me: Um, no.

Midnight, Orange Line

2009-09-01T15:12:00.007-04:00

Last night I went to a concert that ended late; it was midnight before I got on the T to go home. While nothing bad has ever happened to me on the T, riding it at night is a phobia of mine and I was should've-skipped-the-concert nervous about riding it by myself at that hour. I was planning escape routes and things to say if someone demanded my money.

In the Downtown Crossing station where I got on, a boy, late teens or early 20s, was studying the subway map and asked me how to get to Roxbury. He was cute enough to disrupt my normal standoffishness. I told him I was going that way and pointed him toward the track. We waited on the platform together and I was happy when he kept talking. He told me he was going to the mosque in Roxbury; I knew where it was and we talked about its recent opening. He was my height and very slim with acne and scruffy cheeks, and he had an accent from some nation in the Middle East.

We'd stop talking and watch for the train and then start talking again -- smalltalk, which normally I'm lousy at. He told me about how he was going to the mosque to pray because (he said it sheepishly) he'd already missed one prayer that day. When he finished praying he needed to eat a lot because he's supposed to fast during the day. (I asked if he gets hungry and he said with a sneaky grin, you just eat a giant breakfast to make up for it.) He's from New York, visiting Boston for one day, for reasons I didn't catch; had taken a Greyhound bus to get here. He asked if I was in *university* and I said no, not for a long time.

The T came and I sat beside him. He had on a blue hoodie and was holding his phone; I checked to see if it was an iPhone, but it wasn't, but he saw me looking at it and bashfully showed me his wallpaper, which was a photo of himself, I think on a bus. "Self-portrait?" I said, and he smiled. By this time I was smitten enough to start worrying about his safety and well-being after he got off the T. "Where will you stay tonight?" I asked. "At the mosque?"

He said no, that after he prayed he would head back downtown to look for a 24-hour cafe so he could eat all night before sunrise, for Ramadan. I remembered that the T stops running for the night; I tried to explain but I don't think he understood that he was certain to miss the last train and get stranded in Roxbury. He got off at his stop and said "Take care" and I said "You too." And I felt bad about him eventually discovering that the T had closed while he'd been praying, and I hoped he had enough cab money to get where he wanted to go.

But by then I was almost home too, and I'd been so busy talking I'd forgotten to be afraid. Whatever his name was, he was like my little T angel. I hope he got home OK.

Revisiting Mad Men

2009-08-31T14:56:00.009-04:00

For reasons unknown, I decided to give Mad Men a second chance. Instead of returning to the first season, I skipped ahead to the start of the second season.

I had the opposite reaction - now I love the show.

Maybe the characters needed time to develop or to settle in to the period-portrayal of the late 50's. The characters are no less flawed (and in several cases, no less despicable) than before, but I am interested in their story now.

The characters are given dialogue that makes them seem direct and well-spoken. I don't know any better, but it gives me the impression that people thought before they spoke back then. I'm going to try to do that more, waste less oxygen with 'ums' and waste less of other people's time.

On a another level, I find that I'm noticing and appreciating how terrific the make-up and costumes are.

The hair! The clothes! I love every scene. It's making me long for the days when women wore dresses with poofy skirts and when men - swoon - wore fedoras.

What happened in season one? I think I picked up the jist. What's going to happen in season three? I can't wait to find out.

Spaceships and blue people!

2009-08-21T19:17:00.004-04:00

In the summer of 1997 I made a haughty prediction that a much-hyped movie directed by James Cameron would turn out to bomb. It was called Titanic.

*shrug*

Cameron's new movie, Avatar, is also being hyped as the movie to end all movies. This time I'm keeping my mouth shut.

The trailer rocks. (Even if Leo's not in it.)

Phone Call Home

2009-08-21T14:54:00.002-04:00

Me: Hey, Dad, what's up?
Dad: The railroad is coming through Walnut Grove and no one is happy about it.
Me: Are you watching Little House on the Prairie again?

Ode to Lemmon

2009-08-19T12:15:00.002-04:00

Just when I think I'm approaching the end of a years-long tour through my favorite actor's prolific movie career (Grumpy Old Men is near the top of my Netflix queue now), another batch of movies, heretofore unreleased on DVD, appears out of nowhere. Released last month, The Jack Lemmon Collection contains five movies from the 1950s and 60s. I didn't expect a lot from them, figuring that his best work must already be on DVD at this late date, and that is partially true: The Notorious Landlady, wherein Jack's love interest is maybe or maybe-not a murderess, is a lemon (har har). On the other hand, Good Neighbor Sam was one of my all-time faves. In that one he plays a good-natured schlub who's promoted at work based on his being a "clean living, family man" -- which goes fine until his wife's divorcee friend stands to inherit $15 million, provided she's married. Jack poses as the friend's husband to help her get the money, while his boss begins to think the "clean living, family man" is leading a double life. Hilarity ensues.

These movies are from my favorite Lemmon period -- he'd moved out of his early 1950s goofball phase (seen in, among others, Some Like It Hot) but he hadn't yet hit the string of disillusioned characters he played in the 1970s and 80s or the crotchety oldsters of late in his life. These movies are from the period when he was his most charming and melancholy. Those are the qualities that draw me to him, and they fuel a lot of the character nuances I remember most. For example, I'm sure the script for The Apartment read something like "Baxter strains spaghetti with tennis racket" -- but Lemmon made that into one of my favorite moments in movies.

Internet Invoice From Mike

2009-08-18T13:14:00.006-04:00

Upon returning home last night, I received this invoice from Mike for services rendered.

Itemized invoice for fixing Internet:
Time spent: 24hrs
Actual time worked: roughly 20min

List of work hazards:
Hot work environment
Work near electrical hazards
Flying cat attacks
Rocky Terrain

Technical skills required:
Computer knowledge
Electrical knowledge
Knowledge in software applications
Cat fencing
Knowledge in hitting things with other things

Payment requested:
Bigger bat for cats and Internet modem
or pizza
(your choice)

New Vegetarian Recipes

2009-08-11T13:30:00.007-04:00

I may not be good at cooking, but I sure do enjoy it.

It's our turn to cook for Dinner Night tonight, so last night I did a lot of chopping and slicing to prepare.

Red Roasted Potatoes with Mustard. This is pretty easy: cut up potatoes, drown (not according to the directions, but that's what I did because I love mustard) in that grainy dijoun mustard with some olive oil. Adding a bit of olive oil to the mustard helps it spread around so you can toss the potato pieces and get them covered. Add a bit of minced garlic and a bit of oregano. It wanted some lemon juice too, but that seemed weird, so I ignored that part.

Zucchini and Tomato... Casserole? I'm not sure if this qualified as a casserole. It's more of a lasagna because of the layering. But I don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, slice up zucchini, tomatoes and summer squash (I added the squash). Lay the tomato slices on paper towels and sprinkle them with salt to get some of the juice out, or you're dish'll end up soggy. Stir fry the zucchini and squash (and oh yeah I added red onions too) for a few minutes to get them tender.

Then layer zucchini, tomato, chopped garlic cloves, a bit of pepper, a bit of basil, and parmesan cheese. Repeat.

(Mike really saved this dish by walking in as I was about to crumble up bay leaves and add them, having misread basil for bay leaves. He said bay leaves was a weird thing to add, asked me to read the directions again, and low and behold, I was about to screw it up without even knowing. Wonder it woulda tasted like...)

Put extra grated parmesan on top, then bake for 20 minutes. I'll probably add some goat cheese to the top too. This has to be delish or there is no god.

Peppers with Monterey Jack Cheese: Again, easy enough, just requires a lot of time to cut. Lay the peppers on a sheet, cover with grated Monterey Jack cheese, then broil for, oh I don't remember, 20 minutes? Basically, until the cheese gets brown.

Dinner

2009-08-06T19:50:00.001-04:00

Me: I just made an unfortunate burrito.
Brother: Aren't they all

Coraline

2009-07-31T13:39:00.007-04:00

Two things got in the way of our enjoyment of this movie before we even started it. First, Netflix sent it in DVD format instead of Blu-ray, which put Mike in a snit. Second, we only had one pair of 3-D glasses at home, so we had to watch the regular, 2-D version. It would've been beautiful in 3-D.

Throughout the movie, I tried to figure out what age range they were going for. It didn't feel like a kid's movie. At no point did I wish I had a child of my own to watch with, as I often do in movies like Monsters Inc, Ratatouille or Up.

Plenty of the components were clearly meant for kids, of course, but others didn't seem appropriate, and not in that "wink-wink" way that kid's movies often sneak in adult jokes. For example, one of the minor characters performs a dance routine wearing beaded pasties (she's dressed as Venus De Milo). Maybe that wouldn't be inappropriate on its own, but it certainly felt awkward because the character has massive, takes-up-the-whole-stage breasts. What's with that?

I suppose the scary elements of the movie aren't any worse than villain scenes in other children's movies, but something about them felt creepier. Coraline spends time in a world much like her own, but with vivid differences. It was that through-the-looking-glass element that gave the movie extra creepiness. For example, the people in the other world all have buttons for eyes. Maybe it's the fact that I think eyes are gross and creepy already, but buttons for eyes?! I gasped the first time we saw one of those faces talking to Coraline. Nightmare material!

There were lots of little details to enjoy and muse over but my favorite part was that a stray cat both helps Coraline and ends up [sort of] saving the day. Then, of course, it slinks off as if Coraline means nothing to it. How like a cat.

Overheard at the Farmer's Market

2009-07-31T13:37:00.002-04:00

1. "I have six ears."

2. "When my significant other talks to me, he meows."

Phoebe in Wonderland

2009-07-18T07:28:00.006-04:00

It was adventurous of me to try another random recommendation from Netflix after their suggestion of Hurly Burly fell short. But Phoebe in Wonderland had been on my list for almost a year. It was time to delete it or watch it.

I'm glad I watched it. It's about a family of four: Both parents are writers. The seven-year-old daughter says funny, anti-society things that you might expect from a teenager. And then there's Phoebe, the older daughter, is troubled. You can guess right away that she has some problems with something like OCD, and they explore it more throughout the movie, but not in an obnoxious 'this is a mental illness movie' kind of way.

The story is centered around a school production of Alice in Wonderland, which means everything to Phoebe. She has a friend at school who is also in the play. He is a cute kid and has some great lines. The teacher who is charge of the play is a bit too eccentric to be believable but she's endearing nonetheless.

Phoebe prepares for the play and struggles through school as she deals with her compulsions. It's heartbreaking to watch her but for some reason the scenes that were the most difficult for me for the ones that featured her parents talking alone together, or with other adults. That's probably because those scenes contained none of the fantastical Wonderland elements and were strictly about parents worrying and working to help their disturbed kid. Mike and I had a conversation about what we'd do if our kid was behaving like Phoebe. I was impressed with his answer.

In conclusion: It's not going to change your life, but it's definitely worth your time.

And by the way, Phoebe is played by Elle Fanning, Dakota Fanning's little sister. Damn, those girls can act.

You win this round, Netflix.